Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I need to spice up my sex life!

I need to spice up my sex life!

My boyfriend and I have been together a little over 2 years and we have had some problems in the relationship with communication, and other things that couples usually go through from time to time. He says our sex life is boring. That our sex is OKAY, but getting boring, and that he wants me to try to be like a porn star (which personally offends me even though I know better.)

I've worn lingerie but he just takes it off and trys to have sex. I'm too shy to try stripping, but should I just do it anyway? We are sexual everyday. He likes me to go down on him everyday, or touch him and play with him everyday, which I dont mind. We also walk around naked all the time. Is this taking away from our sex life? We've used toys but he doesn't seem interested that much in them anymore. And porn used to be a regular thing, but now its on occasion. We've had a three some, but don't suggest that because I wont be allowing it again. It just didn't sit well with me emotionally.

He basically likes one position and always trys to end up in that one position, even though I tell him to switch it up He doesn't. And I tell him to try more areas. He sticks to the bed. What should I do? He says he knows this and will try but he never does. He says I don't seem like I'm having sex for love, but to just go through the motions. I feel the same, but of him. I try to kiss him, make noises and tell him how I feel. But, he makes me shush because everyone can hear everything in our apartment complex.

It doesn't seem like my efforts go anywhere. I know I must be boring in bed and I'm not all too experienced. Any suggestions? I've tried everything I can think of. We love each other very much and are faithful to one another. We have stresses, but we're trying to work them out and I really want to regain our sex life. Please help!

It sounds like you're putting in the effort to spice things up. You don't sound boring in bed in the least bit! You're a regular sex vixen (and I mean that as a complement.) He's the dud. First, if you're not comfortable stripping for him, then don't do it. Don't do anything you're not ready to do.

Second of all, you're doing enough to bring some life back into the sex. He now needs to make an effort, and telling you to be like a porn star doesn't count. Ask him what he would like, since your efforts aren't working for him. Complaining without offering any suggestions doesn't cut it. Then tell him you need him to take some initiative instead of having to do all of the work yourself. Relationships are give and take, even in (or if you're lucky, out of) the bed.

Your sex life is too thought out. It lacks spontaneity, and passion. But since you two are also having problems outside of sex, could it be that your stale sex life is a reflection of your other problems? Its possible that if you solve your other problems first, the sex may fall into place.
I hope I've helped.

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